THINKER'S ALMANAC - December 13

How can a metaphor help or hurt your marriage?

Subject:  Framing - Unity and Journey Metaphors

Event: The film Jerry McGuire is released, 1996

The course of true love never did run smooth. -William Shakespeare

On this day in 1996, the film Jerry McGuire was released.  The film focuses on a character played by Tom Cruise, and his struggle to cling to his career as a sports agent.  Much of the film’s drama revolves around Jerry’s relationships with two people:  his sole client, Rod Tidwell, a football player; and his secretary, Dorothy Boyd, a single mother.

For his role as Rod Tidwell, Cuba Gooding Jr. won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor.  His line in the movie: “Show me the Money!” became one of the most recognizable movie lines of all time.  Another iconic line from the film comes towards the end of the movie when Jerry is declaring his love to Dorothy.  After the two have experienced a brief break up, Jerry has an epiphany and rushes to Dorothy’s home to tell her how much he loves her, saying, “You complete me.”

                                                        Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay 

The film ends with Jerry and Dorothy together, but we might wonder if their relationship lasts.

One clue to this question comes from the research of social psychologists Spike W.S. Lee (not the movie director) and Norbert Schwarz.  They wanted to evaluate the satisfaction of couples based on the way the couples metaphorically frame their relationships.

One common frame is what we might call the Jerry McGuire frame, where couples view their relationship as a unity of two halves.  This is also known as the soulmate or unity frame, where couples view themselves as being made for each other or a perfect match.  

The second frame views relationships as a journey.  The couple sees themselves as travel companions, walking together on a long path, making a journey together that is not yet complete.

In the study by Lee and Schwarz, couples were first asked to think about relationships in either the unity frame or the journey frame.  Next, they were asked to write down two things they fought about.  Finally, they rated their satisfaction both with their relationship and with their lives.

The results of the study revealed that couples who viewed their relationship with the unity frame expressed less satisfaction with their relationship than did the couples who used the journey frame (1).

Hollywood loves to frame love using idealistic and romantic frames, but in the real world, it makes more sense to approach relationships with the realization that the road is not always smooth.  Rather than seeing conflict or disagreement as a disappointment, it makes more sense to see it as an inevitable part of the journey that we make with our partner.  Reaching a destination is not always easy; it involves struggle and hard work, but it can be a rich and rewarding learning experience.  Rather than looking to meet our soulmate, perhaps it makes more sense to create our soulmate.

 

Recall, Retrieve, Recite, Ruminate, Reflect, Reason:  How are the unity frame and the journey frame different, and which metaphor seems to lead to happier relationships.

Challenge - Metaphors Matter:  Select an abstract concept such as success, failure, courage, or cowardice.  Then, do a search for some quotations related to your idea.  Find a quotation that frames the ideas with a metaphor.  Write out your quotation, and comment on how the metaphor helps illustrate the writer’s insight about the idea.

ALSO ON THIS DAY:

December 13, 2000:  On this day in 2000 one of the closest and most contentious presidential elections in U. S. history ended when Vice President Al Gore gave a speech conceding the presidency to George W. Bush.  The day before, the United States Supreme Court decision in Bush v. Gore ended voting recounts in the state of Florida and effectively awarded the election to Bush.  Although Gore won the plurality of the popular vote, he lost the election when Florida’s 25 electoral votes were awarded to Bush. Thus, on December 13, 2000, more than a month after Americans had cast their votes, Gore gave his concession speech:

Now the U.S. Supreme Court has spoken. Let there be no doubt, while I strongly disagree with the court's decision, I accept it. I accept the finality of this outcome which will be ratified next Monday in the Electoral College. And tonight, for the sake of our unity of the people and the strength of our democracy, I offer my concession (1).

As Gore demonstrated in his speech, sometimes a politician has to admit defeat.  That does not mean, however, that the person is a failure.  After leaving public service, Gore gained prominence as an author and an environmental activist, winning the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007 for his work in combating climate change. In argumentation, instead of being an admission of defeat, a concession is an admission that a portion of an opposing argument is true.  Inexperienced writers often see concession as a weakness, but experienced writers know it is a powerful method for establishing common ground. When a concession is carefully and clearly framed, it shows the audience that you have carefully considered both sides of the argument.  By clearly addressing the opposing views and showing that you understand them fully, you can better neutralize them by combining them with arguments that support your thesis.

 

Sources:

1-Hagan, Ekua. “Do you Believe in Soulmates? Should You.” Psychologytoday.com 4 Jan. 2019.

2-http://www.authentichistory.com/1993-2000/3-2000election/3-dispute/20001213_VP_Gore_Concession.html